Impulse
by Becca2793
Summary: Allen hates Kanda, and has a very good idea that Kanda hates him back just as much, if not more. So why is his body betraying him like this? Yullen, prequel to Veracity.


**Here's the prequel to Veracity. The fantastic thing is that it can be read on it's own, or after. So if you haven't read Veracity, that's fine. Author's note to be at the bottom. Also this Allen is quite...outspoken. You'll see.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Title**: Impulse

**Theme**: Touch

**Fandom**: D. Gray Man

**Pairing**: Yullen

**Rating**: M (Strong language, sexual intercourse between dudes, violence)

**Word** **Count**: 9,295

**Summary: **Allen hates Kanda, and has a very good idea that Kanda hates him back just as much, if not more. So why is his body betraying him like this?

* * *

Kanda, beyond any reasonable doubts, hates him. It isn't anything he says, really, that lets Allen onto this, but rather the looks he gives him. They're hard and filled with contempt and disgust and superiority.

He, beyond any reasonable doubts, hates Kanda back. Though, to him, hate is a strong word. Maybe he just…despises him; deplores him. Really, it isn't even some simple one thing the exorcist did – he's just so…so –

So fucking smug.

And that sneer. He's always sneering.

It's that he's so selfish and hateful and – ugh – aggravating! Allen loses his absolute mind thinking about it.

But he's a gentleman. And gentlemen do not punch people in the face. Gentlemen do not give into their urges and maim people.

So the first time he gets an erection while _thinking_ about how much he hates him, he almost has a heart attack.

Allen realizes that he isn't experienced in the ways of sex. Sure, he's kissed people before (well, technically only two people; one because of a dare and the other – well the other is still a mystery to him), but he's still a – a – fuck he's such a fucking virgin.

And it isn't even that he really cares that much about having sex – because really, what could be _so_ great about it? – it's just that, well no, he does kind of want to have sex.

How would it feel? Who would it even be with? Would he enjoy it?

Well yeah, he probably would all things considered…

When he gets the erection while mumbling about Kanda and how aggravating he is, luckily he's in his bedroom by himself. The mortification of having something like that happen around other people would deal him irrevocable damage.

Then he doesn't really know what to do.

Does he jerk off – and shit, that image is a disturbing one, masturbating because of someone like _him_ – or does he will it away?

He tries, he really does try. No one can say he didn't. But even through sheer force of will, it still stands at attention. He slaps his forehead, runs his hands down his face, and falls back onto his bed. He lets out an exaggerated sign and groan of disdain and then – he jerks off.

Because really, what else is he supposed to do?

But it's complicated, because what is he supposed to think about? He tries imagining a beautiful woman in his mind, but it just isn't working. It never really worked before, either, but that's beside the point. The point is that he ends up achieving an orgasm because he's imagining that smug bastards low, smooth baritone of a voice and rough hands that have callouses on them from his relentless training with Mugen. And he absolutely hates himself afterward. He's sticky now, and gross, and sweaty – and his mind feels dirty.

He changes his clothes and cleans himself up a bit, before collapsing on the bed.

What would Kanda do if he knew of Allen's state? If he knew what the white-haired boy had thought of him while masturbating.

Allen would probably end up without a dick to masturbate _with_. And really, he knows that he should feel perverted for caring about that so much, but hell – he's only seventeen. And he's rather partial to all the parts of his body.

He still feels gross, however, so he decides to go to the baths to clean up fully.

* * *

He can't see that anyone's there when he enters, and he's grateful, because really, even he can kinda smell the sex on him. It's not like it would shock anyone immensely that a seventeen year old touched himself inappropriately, but it's still embarrassing. And if someone like Lavi were there – well, Lavi'd probably bring it up and tease him.

The thing about the baths is that there's actually only three. They're big, granted, but that means that, even if there's only one other person there, you have a one in three chance of finding them.

And the only reason that, in actuality, Kanda Yuu is there is because he knew this was the only time of day people wouldn't bathe. That was what had persuaded Allen as well. He would have sat in his disarray if he _knew_ anyone would be there, let along Kanda.

The steam isn't really all that thick, so he can just make out that it's Kanda on the other side of the large, round tub. And really, he's assuming it's Kanda because he sees a lot of raven black hair and he's fairly certain he didn't walk into the women's baths.

And now he feels really awkward.

So he lowers himself into the water slowly, keeping his eyes off of Kanda because he feels really super guilty. Even if he hates the guy.

But he hears the water sloshing around and looks up. Thankfully, and really, Allen is thanking the Heavens, Kanda is standing up and moving to leave the baths. He wraps a towel around his middle – and Allen can kinda see him better in that direction, when he isn't peering directly through the steam. Kanda's legs are long and lean and fuck – they look kinda like a girl's but it's obvious they're way too masculine. And his chest and his tattoo and his arms and his hair and just – everything is setting Allen off right now.

And it isn't even that he's every felt an attraction to men before, because he hasn't, and he so isn't gay – really, he isn't, he doesn't even need to ponder on it – it's just that Kanda Yuu is very, very beautiful.

And Allen is very, very lonely, he realizes. It's something he wouldn't openly admit – but it's true.

It sets his body on fire, almost, when he recognizes that Kanda is watching him watch him. It's a steady glare, and he can tell because he sees those dark eyebrows set in a deep 'V.'

And then Kanda is moving towards him, and bending low, and looking him right in the eye.

He's surprised and freaked out and fucking hard.

"You are disgusting," he spits, and Allen isn't really offended or anything because he feels like he is too, but then he notices that Kanda's pupils are dilated horrendously. He can't even see the light gray. It's all black.

Allen has to make sure, and he doesn't even know why but he's angling his head to see and – yep, Kanda has a boner.

Kanda is actually growling at him then and he feels such a deep hate for the man settling in his stomach, but Christ he's so turned on. What is wrong with him, really?

Is it the way the water drips down Kanda's face – the way his long, silky looking hair sticks to his body?

"I hate you," Kanda barks out, before grabbing Allen from under the arms and tipping him over the edge of the bath and kissing him.

The floor is hard and cold, but he barely feels it. Kanda's body is hot – so hot – he's burning up. And Allen's hot, too. If it's possible, he hardens even more.

But Allen hasn't opened his mouth yet. It isn't that he wants Kanda to fight for it; it's that he wants it all to stop. His mind is screaming at him. Loudly. But his body – well his body is screaming at him as well.

But what Kanda wants Kanda gets, apparently, because he rakes his nails over Allen's right nipple and he involuntarily opens his mouth with a gasp. And then Allen can't fight it anymore. He's kissing Kanda back and he feels like everything is a dream. He feels like his lips are bruising with how hard they're pressing their mouths together and maybe they are, but he doesn't mind. He is actively fighting Kanda for that dominance; his hands are running through Kanda's hair, pulling out the knots and Kanda isn't really making any noises, but some kind of inaudible moan melts into his mouth from Kanda's. He can't describe it. And shit, he's totally gonna come from just this if it keeps up.

Their tongues are fighting, like their words usually would, and neither of them are relenting. Allen is tugging on Kanda's hair, still, lightly – because he hates inflicting pain on people – but Kanda seems to really enjoy that.

He's forgetting everything. As the moments tick by, his hate is dissipating into this feral need, this want that burns through him like wildfire. He just wants Kanda – in some way. He doesn't care how, but he has to cool himself and the only way to do it is through the black haired man kissing him. They're both so impossibly hard, but neither is preparing to make a move. Allen is waiting for Kanda to initiate it – because he really doesn't want to be the one to do it.

So Kanda growls again, and presses his hips down against Allen's. And it's such a breathtakingly wonderful feeling, just the slight graze of Kanda's cock against his, that he's moaning like a little bitch. Kanda does it again, this time trapping their cocks in his wet palm. His hand doesn't quite fit all the way around them, even with his long fingers (fingers that Allen decides he wouldn't mind in him – and what the fuck is his problem? He's ready to bite off and swallow his own tongue if his thoughts don't stop), but it's enough to guide them together.

They're all slippery and sliding all around and it's so undignified and awkward but it's just so amazing at the same time and he can't believe he's never done anything like this. He can't believe he ever thought this wouldn't be worth it.

His mewling and groaning is echoing through the baths, and he's so fucking happy no one else is there. Kanda is glaring at him through his kissing and them fucking his hand, and he's so obviously telling him to shut up. But he can't – he just can't.

"Ah – nn, Kanda…" he moans. He's pretty sure Kanda sped up as soon as he said his name, and he's so turned on and fuck, he actually doesn't even care he just, "Ah…in me."

Kanda breaks their kiss and pulls his body completely away. Allen is whining and he probably seems like such a girl but he doesn't even care. He just wants _something now_. And then he says something to Kanda he never thought he'd say:

"Please."

Kanda freezes. "Fucking – Moyashi, I hate you…"

"I hate…you too…just…mmnnn," Allen's just started palming his cock, arching his back. He doesn't care how he looks; he just needs some kind of release.

So Kanda complies, bending back down and sliding his fingers into Allen's mouth. It's like Allen's body knows what to do, even if his mind doesn't. The fingers are kind of an intrusion, and they feel weird, but he likes it. His tongue wraps around them and he's sucking on them and licking the crease in between them. Kanda, he feels, is still unbearably hard. And hot. Goddamn, he'd never fully realized how fucking beautiful and delicious and moan-worthy and tons of other imaginative words that Kanda is. All he can concentrate on now is Kanda's movements on top of him, that his fingers are going down, down, down and he has to focus on the fact that he _asked_ for this. He fucking pleaded with Kanda for it. A finger slides in and he shifts uncomfortably. It isn't really that it hurts, though there is a slight itch, it just feels really strange. Kanda is sliding it in and out unbearably slow, and he can see the impatience in Kanda's dark, smoldering eyes. So he holds his gaze with Kanda a bit and that's when he adds a second finger.

The second finger burns and he actually really dislikes it. So he squirms a bit and lets out a whimper.

"Tch, fucking wimp Moyashi…" Kanda then holds his hips down and curves his fingers up as if he just _knows_. Then the pain is mixing with this feeling he's never experienced before. He almost comes right on the spot from the intensity of it, but he manages to get through it by clenching his teeth and closing his eyes. When Kanda is just pushing his fingers up, not even moving them in or out, he spasms, because Kanda has found something inside of him that he never even knew was there. And he keeps pressing it over and over again – not even preparing Allen anymore, just watching the twisted expression on his face, listening to the noises he makes.

And Allen realizes that Kanda is actually enjoying this a lot – just watching him squirm and writhe underneath him. He's getting pleasure out of beating Allen in yet another way, in making him submissive and slutty and completely _his_. Because even if it's just for this one moment, he belongs to Kanda – Kanda and no one else. He can't feel the burning hate inside him, but he knows it's there. Knows past everything he still despises Kanda – but something in him is making him give it all up for these few moments. He's arching his back and moaning and there is no Allen, there is just Kanda's possession. And he doesn't mind that. He knows he will after, but he doesn't right now.

Then Kanda seems like just watching Allen isn't doing anything for him, because he pulls his fingers out, pushes Allen's knees back in a really uncomfortable manner, and pushes in.

Allen has never felt anything so searing and painful, really. Well, maybe he has, somewhere along the way, but he can't remember it. "Ahn – it…hurts…fuck…Bakanda…" And Allen doesn't always like to let those words come off his tongue – he keeps them in his thoughts, but his mouth feels lose and open and anything at all could come out at any minute.

Kanda's face looks different, he realizes. It's open – very open. His expression is more lax than usual, and his eyes are brimming with lust and excitement. Even his lips aren't pursed into a thin line – they're open and he's panting a little.

And it's Allen that's making him act this way.

Allen feels like being smug, but he can't concentrate on anything but the burning feeling running up his spine. Kanda can't move yet, he can't or Allen will break. He will. He'll shatter into a million pieces.

So with every bit of strength he has, he wraps his arms around Kanda's neck and brings him down for a wet and open mouthed kiss. He just needs the distraction, needs to feel Kanda's tongue probe his own.

_Remember_, he just barely manages to think. _You asked for this. _

Then Kanda growls into his mouth and starts to thrust in and out in a slow, steady manner. "You've had…enough time…idiot…"

Allen tips his head back, their lips parting, and his eyes and mouth wide open from the pain and shock and – and – pleasure he feels. Kanda hasn't even hit that spot again cause he's moving so slow, and it's weird that Kanda would ever do something so considerate, cause the black haired man's face is so fucking red it looks like a tomato, but Allen still feels the pleasure from knowing Kanda's inside him. But he wants more – more. So much more. Everything. All of it.

He arches his back and moans the word, "More," and Kanda readily obeys, getting into a steady rhythm and moving in a bit deeper each time. "More, more, more," he keeps whimpering over and over. He wants to pain to be over. He just wants to feel his body convulse with pleasure like he knows it will. Soon.

And it does.

Kanda hits him in that god loving spot and Allen's whole world is fire. It's burning down around him and its white hot and he can't see anything at all.

His vision comes back in spots, but as soon as he starts seeing little bits of pale skin and dark hair and even darker eyes, Kanda hits it again. He can't stop the noises that erupt from his throat. It just – everything feels so fucking _good_. 'More' becomes like a mantra to him, and he keeps repeating it. He feels like with every thrust he can feel something knew, something better – and he wants that. When Kanda starts literally ramming into him, making him spasm over and over, his 'more's turn into, "Yes, yes, yes – ahmn – ahhh! Yes!"

He is literally rolling the top half of his body underneath Kanda, and the only slightly older man above him looks as if he's relishing the moment. As if he really, really loves fucking Allen and watching him subside to him. But Allen's okay with that – because he's really, really loving _being_ fucked by Kanda.

Finally he can't take it anymore. With an energy he doesn't know he has, he lifts himself up to sit on Kanda's lap and moves up and down, kissing Kanda with everything he has as he comes all over their stomachs. Involuntarily, he clamps down on Kanda's cock and that elicits a sweet, "Ahhn!"

It's a gasp more out of surprise than pleasure, but Allen couldn't really give any less of a fuck. He clamps down again, eyes sultry and watching Kanda's; and then the other exorcist comes inside him and it's such a sensual feeling – that feeling of being completely filled.

They lie there for a moment, panting, and then Kanda pulls out of him. He groans a little at the feeling, and Kanda scoffs. "Slut," he mutters.

But Allen is regaining some coherent thoughts now, and the self-hate is settling in. "You kissed me first."

Kanda can't really deny that, but he can say, "And you begged for it."

Allen has nothing to say to that. Because he did. Something took over and his mouth was saying things his mind didn't agree with. "What the fuck…"

"For once, Walker, I agree with you…"

Then they're getting dressed at the speed of light and not even looking in the general direction of the other. Because really.

What the fuck?

* * *

Allen can't sleep that night. He keeps getting all these images in his head from earlier, and he can't stop them. He's realizing things he didn't really take in in those moments. Like, the way Kanda's hair moved as he fucked him, and the hard scraping of the cold, tile floor, and Kanda's nails digging hard into his hips.

And his ass fucking hurts. There's no pleasure, only that burning pain. The adrenaline of the moment wore out about halfway to his room,g. Christ, if anyone'd seen him.

And had he really begged? Really? He seems to remember himself doing it, but he just can't accept that. Everything was hazy – blurred out by the intense pleasure he'd been feeling.

He's really trying to stop thinking about it though, because if he ends up hard again he's seriously going to punch the wall until his fists are bloody and it goes away. The pain he's feeling is kinda keeping all the memories at bay though. So that's good.

Then comes the ultimate question – the one he's been avoiding and failing to do so.

Why?

Why did he agree?

It wasn't like Kanda had raped him or anything – it was one hundred percent consensual. He'd kissed him back, he'd rubbed his cock alongside Kanda's, he was the little whore whispering and moaning for more.

He couldn't contribute it to just loneliness. He wanted that human touch but…

Well maybe he could.

Because that's all he's wanted in a long time, to be in that intimate situation. Not just for the sex, but to have everything melt away. And that's how it was while Kanda'd fucked him. It was just him and Kanda and they were floating in a blissful heaven.

Though he doubted a lot of men had sex together in heaven.

Fuck, what if the Order found out? What if _he'd_ been found out? He didn't really care all that much about Kanda, but really – they could fire him.

_That was literally the worst decision I've ever made in my life. _

_No. No it wasn't. That was amazing. Fuck, I _am_ getting hard again. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. No, stop Allen. Stop saying those words. Mana hated those words. Just stop thinking. Don't think anything. Will it all away. _

But he can't. He can't stop thinking. So, even though his ass feels like he it's on fire, he's kneeling up on the bed and slicking his fingers and fully ready to fuck himself on them before –

A knock. A single knock.

Allen freezes for a sharp moment, then the tension releases in his shoulders and he wipes his fingers on his pants before wrapping his blanket around him like a cloak and answering his door. It's Lenalee. And dear lord his heart is hammering in his chest. He's careful though – he hopes he's not too obvious.

She tucks her dark green hair behind her ear, then, and smiles. "Brother said he needed you."

"What?" Oh no, oh shit, oh fuck, oh lord. "Why?"

"I dunno," she shrugs. "He didn't say."

Inside, he's freaking out, but on the outside – it's always that gentleman's mask, that polite smile.

"Alright Lenalee, let me just get dressed and then I'll head right over there." He's flashing her the fakest, most charming smile he has in his arsenal, and she smiles back before leaving his doorway and walking down the hallway. As soon as she's out of sight, he shuts the door with more force than intended. Then he leans against it and breathes for a moment. Then he goes to his closet, gets his black exorcist uniform, and dresses in it.

There is a problem though.

A problem he's had a lot lately.

"Oh my god, really?" He mutters and there is absolutely no way he's gonna go to Komui's in his condition. So he takes in a deep breath and kneels on the floor without pants. He wants it all to be over soon, so he takes his cock in one hand and slicks his fingers up really well before, for the first time, sticking them inside himself. It doesn't hurt that much, because he's only using one finger and it has nowhere near the girth Kanda's cock did. But he's pumping along at his cock and searching for that one spot. It's awkward, to have his hand like this, angled behind him, but he manages to curl his fingers up in the right manner and before he knows it he's adding another finger and pressing that little nodule of nerves likes it's the only thing in the world. He scissors his fingers, then and arches his back. He stops the ministrations on his cock for the moment and braces himself with one hand against the ground.

And then, he kind of doesn't want to, but he feels a third finger entering, and his entire body is screaming out in pain and pleasure.

"Mmmph, Kanda," he moans. It's soft, almost inaudible compared to the noises he was making in the baths, but it still surprises him. He can't stop now though, and just gives up. He lets everything roll off of him and he just shoves his fingers in him as hard and fast and far as they'll go. Saliva is pouring out the side of his mouth and he's about to consider adding even a fourth finger – something he knows will tear him apart from the inside – when his nails accidentally scrape that spot harshly and he comes. He falls down to all fours, panting, then cleans himself, as he did before, and finishes getting dressed. Then, as it's impossible for him to take another bath, he sprays a spritz or two of cologne, something he rarely, if ever uses, before leaving.

* * *

He finds Komui without any trouble at all and immediately sits down. It's mostly to mask the fact that his legs feel weird and pliant, but he plays it up as just being tired. He yawns, and sees Komui's amused smirk.

"What?"

"Nothing," Komui replies, still smiling, looking down at a sheet of paper. "I'm still waiting for Lavi to get here, so go ahead – make yourself comfortable."

Allen blushes a little, and coughs. This place is his home; he's comfortable in every room. Except for, now and all times in the future, the bath house. Never ever is he going back in there. He would find another way to bathe.

"So what's going on; why've you called us here so late?"

"Well, because I need you to get on the earliest train to Africa as possible. We think the Noah ha-"

He's interrupted by the door swinging open. It's Lavi, and in his wake is literally the last person he wants to see. Seriously, he would welcome the fucking Earl before Kanda Yuu right now. Lavi takes a seat next to Allen, but Kanda stands, eyes focused on Komui. And Allen doesn't dare say a word to him.

God, Allen doesn't even think he could speak to him if he _wanted_ to. Guilt and embarrassment wash over him, and he's pretty sure Kanda's feeling it too. Well, he's hoping Kanda is.

And then he's kind of angry, because it was Kanda who kissed him the first place – and Allen would have been perfectly content if the Japanese exorcist had just left the bathing area completely. And then they never would have – would have –

"Allen, are you paying attention?" Komui asks, peering over his spectacles. Lavi has this smug grin on his face, as if he can suddenly read minds, and Kanda is shifting uncomfortably.

"Ah, yes – sorry. Continue."

Lavi tilts his head a little, still smirking, and gives Kanda a glance. "Something the matter, Yuu?"

But Kanda isn't saying anything. His eyes are closed sharply, as if he's trying to regain some lost composure.

And Allen realizes that Kanda is actually worried. He's never seen him worried before, so it's a new thing. Lavi must notice how strange Kanda's acting as well, because he falls completely silent. But seeing Kanda like that has made him worried as well. Because – fuck, they would be in deep, deep shit if anyone _ever_ found out.

_I hate you. _

_I hate you, Yuu._

The name is foreign in his mind, but he just enjoys the play on words. And he needs something to get his mind off the insistent worry that's settling.

"Anyway, as I said, we've received information regarding the Noah family's actions. It seems there's been an increase in the number of akuma inhabiting South Africa, and the African units are requesting back-up from exorcists. We are, as you know, running low on those." He smiles a bit despite his words.

"So you're sending us to Africa? Are we the only ones going?" Lavi asks, leaning back in his seat. He puts his arms up on the back of the couch and pulls on a piece of Allen's hair from behind. Allen looks at him, confused, and sticks out his tongue. Then he notices a sliver of black eyes that've wandered in his direction and he immediately sits straight, eyes on Komui again.

"No, Marie and Miranda are as well."

At this, Lavi's only visible eyebrow raises. "You're leaving the Order _that_ unprotected? What if it's a ploy? Are Lenalee, Krory, and Timothy going to be alright on their own, here?"

Komui sighs, sitting in his seat and folding his hands. "We're in a bit of a bind with that one – with the amount of akuma presenting themselves, just you three aren't going to be enough. Even Allen, having far passed the critical point, and Kanda, with his regenerative abilities, have limits. And you do too. Miranda's innocence will be highly useful, as will Marie's sense of hearing."

"Well, how many akuma are we talking here?" Lavi asks.

Allen feels kind of…separated from the situation, like he isn't really there and listening to their conversation. Even though he knows it's important, he's too lost in his own thoughts. He shifts his eyes over to Kanda, and realizes how distracted he is as well. His eyes aren't shut anymore, but his brow is furrowed, and his lips are a thin line.

_This is all your fault. _

He refuses to take the blame. It wasn't his fault. Not at all.

He tries to calm himself, though, and takes comfort in the fact that they wouldn't get caught if it never happened again.

He's kind of disappointed at first, but then he curses his teenage hormones and tries his best to focus on what Komui's saying.

He missed the number Komui said, but Lavi is looking serious now. "So that's it…"

Fuck, how did he ignore something so important? But Kanda looks a little flustered as well, and Allen realizes he wasn't the only one to miss the number.

"You see why this is so urgent. I have already spoken with Miranda and Marie, and they are packing for the mission. I think it would be best for the three of you to do so as well."

Allen and Lavi nod, while Kanda doesn't do anything. But as always they take his silence as an affirmative.

As soon as they're dismissed, the three of them split up and go to their respective rooms to pack without a word. When he returns to his room, he begins to pack immediately. Judging by the moon, which is on its steady decline into the horizon, it's quite early in the morning. Had he really wasted that much time thinking? Is he really so freaked out?

Well, yeah, kind of.

After he's done shoving clothes and various other things in his bag, he runs out of his room and towards the entrance to the Black Order's headquarters. Everyone's there, except for Lavi it seems; yet again, he keeps his eyes away from Kanda's. He feels a heat burning in his chest, an aggravation that is obviously just from realizing how much time they're going to be spending together – but hey, at least they aren't alone. He wonders how the mission might have gone if it was just the two of them, when they can't even look, let alone speak, to each other.

The air outside is chilled. The sun is still hidden below the horizon, and the moon is finishing its descent. So it's dark and eerie and quiet – it makes him nervous, and edgy. He's on high alert.

The others are too, it seems. Marie and Miranda are very still, they aren't saying anything, and Allen doesn't think they're planning to.

It's probably more to do with the mission they're facing rather than the dark, though. He knows it's something that, with all of them, they'll be able to handle, but perhaps this eerie darkness _is_ creating a foreboding in them.

He just hopes it doesn't rain.

Lavi comes out, then, bag strapped over his shoulder, goofy smile frozen on his face. It's a fake one, Allen notices – and he only knows because he's the guru of fake smiles. He doesn't really blame Lavi for it, though. Smiles can be very reassuring in times of anxiety.

"Well, just look at this cheery bunch!" Lavi jokes. "I can see we're in for a fun-filled trip with you jokers."

There is a sharp sound of disgust, and Allen refuses to follow to where the noise came from. That's when Allen puts on his on fake smile, his default – it's polite and charming – and wonders why he hadn't been using it already to calm them. There's another growl, and, still refusing to look at him, Allen closes his eyes to match the smile and faces Kanda.

He wants to say something, but he can't. The words are lost on his tongue. Instead, "I absolutely despise you," comes out, and it doesn't fit with his expression at all. He doesn't mean to say it, either, it just kind of happens.

Kanda scoffs and says, "The feeling is mutual, Moyashi." Allen doesn't open his eyes again until he's sure Kanda isn't in his line of sight. He doesn't like the way Kanda worded that. Well, fuck, this is going to be a long trip. Mission. Whatever.

"You'd think your relationship would have improved after all this time," Lavi shrugs, a real smile – not a warm one, but a teasing one – on his face. "But hey, maybe there's more th-"

"Shut. Up." Kanda snaps, unsheathing Mugen and pointing it as his throat. "I will fucking kill you if you speak another word." And actually, this glare kind of holds some kind of threat behind it, not like his usual half-assed ones, and Lavi is actually scared. As if he really believes Kanda would do something like that.

"Okay, Yuu – okay. I get it. I won't say anything." Lavi holds his hands up in a defensive gesture, and Allen really, really wants to keep his eyes away from Kanda, but it would just seem too weird for his attention to be anywhere else.

"Nothing, at all," Kanda growls, disregarding, once again, that Lavi used his given name.

And on that note, they begin their mission.

* * *

Southern Africa is hot. Jesus fuck, it's hot. He's never been anywhere so hot in his life. He keeps thinking of Kanda's heat, though, when they had sex, and it's a chore to stop himself. It's just that it happens so often. So instead of trying to push it away, he uses it to fuel his dislike. Uses it to prevent him from doing something so stupid again.

But the number of akuma they encounter helps as well. Keeps him distracted, and gives him a good reason not to be looking or speaking to Kanda.

There are a shit-ton, and Allen is very quickly realizing why all of them are there. Mainly because it's a large amount of akuma spread out over a very large area. There's no way only two people could take care of these things unless they could be in several places at once.

And they're of varying level. He hasn't met a level four yet, which he's grateful for – even if he _is_ stronger now. But just the ones and twos and threes are wearing him out. He's slashing them his sword, running them through with Clown Belt, using every ability in his arsenal, and they just seem to keep coming. Far in the distance to the east is Lavi, he can hear the akuma being destroyed there, too, just barely. They're spread out over a 8 mile radius, and in an unpopulated area, trying to prevent them from getting to their destination, Cape Town.

Hours. Hours. Days perhaps. Of nothing but fighting. And Allen is tired, so tired, even with Miranda's innocence being invoked around him. With Time Recovery, he should be fine; he should be able to keep going as long as Miranda can. He kind of feels the edge of the darkness though, and acknowledges it by doing his best to hurry up and end it.

Truthfully, they do seem a bit more sparse. But he isn't really registering any of that in his mind. All that's there is: save these souls, don't stop, get back to home, _survive_. There's all this panic and worry settling in his gut, for himself and for his friends, and he can't stop it. He wants to throw up, but there's no time.

And then his thoughts turn focus to Kanda. _Dammit, not now!_ But it isn't related to sex or his immense dislike for the exorcist, which is strange for him, because he hasn't had a normal thought about him since…well, in a long time.

He doesn't let himself recognize the guilt or pain in his chest. Or the worry.

_He'll be fine – they'll all be fine. I'm going to save these akuma and go help them as fast as I can._

And that's when Kanda, the man he hates and worries about the most for some odd reason, comes slicing through.

"Fucking useless Moyashi," He yells out. His third illusion is invoked, and it's the only reason he's able to stand, to fight, to be helping Allen.

"I'm not useless! And my name is Allen for Christ's sake!" Allen retorts, fighting spirit blooming again in his chest. He's slashing akuma after akuma relentlessly, and with the two of them they're disappearing faster than they can appear. The dark cloud is dissipating. "Why don't you go help Lavi or Marie! Or go watch over Miranda! I don't need your help Bakanda!"

"Obviously," Kanda grunts, running a level three through with his sword. He flips back, pushing off of it, and it explodes as all the others do "You were about to collapse, fucking Moyashi. You didn't even realize, did you? You aren't staying your assigned spot!"

And then Allen realizes, that, no, he's a good distance away from where he originally was. Even subconsciously, he's taking on more than he can handle and faster than he can handle it for his friends.

The akuma, that used to be an elongated cloud, a dark essence formed into a thick, thick line, is now concentrated into one spot. Kanda had done the same on his on the other side.

"Hypocrite! You did the same! Don't you go fainting on me, either!"

Lavi and Marie show up then, helping them on the concentrated dosage of akuma.

And then Miranda's Time Recovery fades.

He's groggy, feels blood all over him as if it's pouring out of every single pore in his body. And then it's blackness.

* * *

When he awakens, he's in a sickroom. They're still in South Africa, he realizes, and he wonders why every single bone in his body feels weak. He can't move in the slightest.

"Allen!" Miranda's at his bedside, crying. Next to him on the right is Marie, and Lavi is on his other side. He doesn't see Kanda. "I'm sorry," she cries. "I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

"It isn't." Allen manages with a weak smile. "What happened?" He feels very lightheaded then, and closes his eyes while he listens.

"I'm…not sure. You collapsed, then Kanda. But then, even though you were passed out, you stood up and continued to fight."

_Crowned Clown. You helped me protect my friends yet again; helped me save the akuma's souls. Thank you._

"With you and Marie and Lavi fighting, you destroyed all the akuma remaining. That's when Lavi and Marie passed out, and…a Noah showed up."

"A Noah!?" He barks out. His voice his harsh and his throat feels like it's on fire. "Wha- Miranda! What happened?"

"It was the young girl; Rhode's her name, right?" Miranda asks, and Allen nods. Rhode. "Well, she said something about how she was supposed to be bringing you back to the Earl, but…then she just kind of left."

...She really does care about him. _Thanks, Rhode._

It feels weird, thanking a Noah, but she's helped him on countless occasions. She's due at least a 'thanks.'

He's silent for a moment, and then he can't help the question that comes to mind. "Where's Kanda?"

He kind of hates himself for saying it, but the damn guy had come to help him. And they had worked together and even spoken. It was all due to their situation at the time, but still, it made him realize: they weren't any good if they couldn't work together.

And, he realizes, that thought applies to all of them. They have to work well together – as a unit, a family. They won't be able to win this war, this long fucking war, working alone.

So, even though he really doesn't like the guy personally, he does respect him as an exorcist. Kind of. He did, after all, help him.

And if they keep up this childish game – this not speaking and not looking at each other and all this hate – Allen has a feeling they're going to lose this war. If they don't all come together to fight. All of them.

Even Kanda. Especially Kanda.

"I think he went for a walk. His wounds are healed already." She pauses when he moves to get out of bed. "No, you can't go! Your wounds aren't healed!"

Allen pauses. His body feels like it'll shatter if he stands, truthfully. Maybe Miranda has a point. Can his speaking to Kanda wait until his healed?

Maybe he'll just sleep a bit longer.

* * *

When he wakes up again, he feels a lot better. He's the only one in the room, Marie and Lavi's beds are empty, and Miranda isn't at his bedside at the moment.

It must be midday, judging by the light in the room, and he sits up with a groan and a yawn. He stretches, feeling his body for contusions and pain. There's only a slight pain in his left arm and his chest.

He yawns again and walks from the sick room. No one's in the hallway, either, and he has absolutely no idea where he is. He's afraid to just start opening doors, so he walks down the hallway, and continues to do so until he hears the unmistakable _swish_ of a katana. He stops.

Should he enter? He still needs to talk to him, to speak with him like an adult and stop acting like such a child. Can he be the mature one, really? Even if Kanda's older, his pride is too immense for him to talk to Allen first, so he's just going to have to suck it up and –

He knocks. Once. Twice.

The door swings open harshly and as soon as Kanda notices who it is in the doorway he narrows his eyes and goes to shut the door again.

"Wait!"

Kanda, surprisingly, does.

"What do you want, fucking Moyashi?"

"I want to thank you for helping me…and to…just talk." Kanda seems unmoving. He's still glaring daggers. "I know you don't want to hear it, but…Kanda we can't be a team like this. We can't treat each other like this. We have to act as a unit – all of us. You and me and Lenalee and Lavi and – everyone. I know you don't like talking, or discussing things – feelings, but it has to be done. And I'm sure you know that too."

"Fucking kid," Kanda says, walking back inside the room, but leaving the door open. Allen walks in after him and sits down in a chair closer to the door, just in case.

"You aren't that much older than me." Allen rolls his eyes, and then a silence falls over them. It's awkward, and uncomfortable, and he has to just start talking or he's never going to.

"I'm going to accept that…_we_ made a mistake. And…it was the both of our faults. We should have stopped. It's over now, though. And we can't just keep on pretending the other doesn't exist. We can't go on completely hating each other. And trust me, I'm not saying I even remotely like you, or that you have to like me – but we can't keep hating each other so much. We have to learn to work _together_."

Kanda is silently watching him as he speaks, and it's making him fidgety. His eyes are dark and his arms just look so masculine in that tank top and oh god is he really thinking about this _right now_? Fuck. He really needs help. Mentally.

He swallows, and notices Kanda's eyes on his throat as he does so. It isn't helping. "A-Anyway," he stumbles. "I also just wanted to thank you. You know, f-for helping me."

Jesus, have Kanda's abs always been that prominent? Has his skin ever looked so smooth and clean and beautiful? Has his co-

Holy shit what the fuck is wrong with him?

He closes his eyes and wills all the feelings in him to go away. They do not need a repeat of before. But he can't deny that he kind of _wants_ a repeat of it.

"Why are you so edgy, Moyashi?" Kanda asks, smug. He knows.

"Well, why are you?" Allen bites back, opening his eyes slowly. Kanda's arms are folded, tensed. His neck is perfectly still and strained. "Goddammit. I –" He can't say it. He cannot tell Kanda he hates him, not after what he just said. "It's all your fault."

"My fault?" Kanda's right eyebrow twitches.

What the hell is he saying? "That I feel this way." _No! No, that wasn't supposed to come out._ "That I want you." _Fuck. Fuck. Stop. Stop it. Why can't you ever just shut your fucking mouth. Shut up, Allen. __**Shut up**__._

And then they're a tangled mess of limbs, lips pressing together in yearning. Allen's breathing harder than he ever has in his life, and he kicks the door shut with his foot. Kanda slams him against it, and Allen uses his hands to feel for the lock. He's never done anything so difficult, kissing Kanda and trying to turn a fucking lock at the same time.

Kanda's fiddling with Allen's belt on his uniform and Allen's messing with Kanda's. The belts slide off, and they get to working on the buttons on their coats.

Allen's going to suffocate. He can't breathe. It's getting lost somewhere in the middle. Kanda finishes Allen's coat first, and slides it down Allen's arms. The fabric is resting at his elbows, since he's currently trying to get Kanda's coat off of him. It's much more complicated, but once he finally gets it off, the both of them separate for a split second and tear them off, discarding them on the floor. Then they're kissing and trying to get each other's shirts off, but it just isn't working. So they separate once again and pull off their shirts.

Allen's hands are wandering over Kanda's chest, exploring, running his hands over nipples and abs and hips. And he feels Kanda's nails rake his body. He's moaning lightly into the kiss, and he seriously imagines he's never been so hard in his life. Still pressing Allen against the door, Kanda rubs his clothed erection over Allen's. Their breath hitches in synch and Kanda does it again.

Allen is completely pinned against the door, unable to move any muscle but his tongue. He hates every fiber of his being right now, but he can't stop himself. He's inebriated by the kiss, his inhibitions have gone completely out the window. He nibbles on Kanda's bottom lip, lightly, and Kanda bites back, much harder. He groans into the kiss and tightens his grip on the other exorcist.

At this point, Kanda has acquired a rhythm and is quite harshly grinding his hips against Allen's. Their kisses are sloppy, and all open mouthed, but they don't care in the slightest. Then Kanda takes Allen from the door, and shoves him down onto the floor.

Allen isn't going to say it doesn't turn him on slightly, Kanda's aggressiveness, but he could be a bit softer. He still has some aches in his arm and chest. But that's pushed out of his mind. Kanda is pulling Allen's pants off, hurriedly, still kissing, and if Allen wasn't in such an awkward position, he'd definitely be working to get Kanda's off of him as well. Allen feels his pants get caught around his ankles, Kanda is growling, breaking their kiss to tear Allen's boots and pants completely off. And then he's just kind of lying there, completely naked. He takes the opportunity to sit up a bit and does the same to Kanda, pulling off his boots and pants. Then he rolls on top of him and continues their kiss, taking a bit of control at least.

Kanda seems to mind, a lot. He's fighting Allen for dominance and control, but Allen isn't going to give up. He's not gonna be the whining bitch this time.

He's going to make Kanda beg.

He's going to _try_, anyway.

Kanda, isn't giving in either, though. He's growling and muttering, "Move, fucking Moyashi," and is trying, almost desperately, to push Allen to the side.

"What are ya, scared?" Allen whispers, smiling smugly.

That's when Kanda freezes. "Of course not, idiot, I just don't want someone like you to touch me so easily."

"So it's okay for you to touch me, but I can't touch you?" He stops all his ministrations on Kanda and pins down his arms. The look in Kanda's eyes is telling him that's it exactly, but he isn't going to accept that. "I won't keep losing to you, Kanda."

When did he get so dominant? But this is just another competition for them. And he wants to win, for once.

Kanda relents, but only slightly. He's still fighting, but his spirit is a little dulled, as if he's just accepted Allen's words and doesn't care anymore. That's when Allen gets an urge he's never actually gotten before. Ever.

He slides his body down Kanda's without warning, and takes Kanda's erect cock in his hand; tentatively, he licks the head. Underneath him, Kanda is completely frozen. He's stopped fighting at all, and instead, he's lying there like a brick. Allen looks up and notices the funniest expression he's ever seen on Kanda. His eyes are wide open and his face is completely red; he isn't even blinking as he watches Allen. _It's kind of cute._

With that, he leans his head back down and takes Kanda into his mouth completely. Kanda isn't still anymore – he bucks up into Allen's mouth, probably involuntarily, and Allen ends up leaning back, coughing. Kanda looks completely mortified. Allen realizes he's probably blushing fiercely, and after a moment Kanda's eyes grow hard. Immediately, disregarding his insecurities and how absurd it all is, he starts again.

He's never done anything like this before, and he really isn't even sure of what he's supposed to be doing, but it seems to be working nonetheless. He looks up, slightly, and sees Kanda's eyes are shut tightly, his lips are a thin line.

Really, it isn't so bad. He isn't gonna go so far as to say he _likes_ it, but it isn't bad. He puts his right hand at the base as he sucks, his cheeks hollowing out, and pumps in time with his bobbing head. Kanda is shivering underneath him. _C'mon, Kanda. Make some sort of noise. You know you're enjoying this. _So he tries something else.

He remembers how he felt when Kanda did it; he puts his fingers in his mouth besides Kanda's cock and covers them in saliva before lowering his hand and pressing a single finger at Kanda's entrance. He looks up at Kanda's face, and sees very, very open eyes staring down at him. His mouth is open, and he's breathing harshly.

He pushes his ring finger in first, slowly, and watches as Kanda's face changes. Then he notices something, Kanda doesn't feel as tight as his own ass did. He takes his mouth off Kanda's cock and smiles.

"You've done this before, haven't you?"

Kanda doesn't grace him with an answer, and instead tries his best to glare.

So he leans up, uses one arm to brace him above Kanda, and pushes another finger in. Kanda's face contorts again, his mouth prying open, the left over saliva on it stretching across each lip. His back is arching slightly, pressing his ass further on Allen's fingers.

"Another?" He whispers in Kanda's ear, making the latter shiver. He looks at Allen, hard, and Allen's is probably going to die when this is all over, but it's so worth it. His hand retreats, and he sucks, hard on his index finger. Kanda swallows hard and lifts his hips a bit higher. He pushes his fingers in, all three at once, and Kanda actually lets out this slight noise that's something like a moan. Perhaps more a sharp intake of breath than anything, but still – it's enough.

A part of him is really, really nervous all of a sudden. Like, out of nowhere. But he certainly isn't going to stop now. Not after everything.

And he has absolutely no idea what he's doing.

So he just kind of…goes with it.

He pulls his fingers out and kisses Kanda. Actually kisses him.

"That's disgusting," Kanda manages out.

_Ah, could you taste yourself? _

Swallowing, he hooks his arms around Kanda's legs and bends them forward a little. Then he positions himself – and pushes in.

It's really unlike anything he's ever experienced. It's warm and tight and oh god just – everything all at once. He feels kind of high, his mind is going everywhere at once, and he can't stop thinking about everything and about how fucking _good_ it feels.

"Are you ever going to – arg- fucking move?"

"Well, sorry," Allen pouts. He was just trying to get used to the sensation. It's a lot to handle all at once, so suddenly. The pleasure just kind of, racks at his spine and it won't stop. Even if Kanda wasn't tight on his fingers, he is like this.

So he moves. He pushes the rest of the way in, as far as he can, and then he pulls out a bit and then he pushes in again. He picks up a rhythm after a moment, and Kanda is kind of dying underneath him. And Allen himself is growing more accustomed to it with each thrust. It isn't so overwhelming anymore, and he's steadily starting to actually rock into Kanda, pulling out as far as he can and pushing in.

Kanda's entire body is lurching with the force, and his face is just short of amazing. His eyes aren't quite closed, but they're squinted, and wet. There are tears there, at the edges, and his eyebrows are scrunched together, but not into a 'V;' they're pulled together in what looks to be pure ecstasy. Then he growls sharply, grabs his coat, and bites on it harshly. He's grinding the material between his teeth, obviously trying very hard not to open his mouth. They lock eyes, and Allen realizes that – wow, he's actually fucking Kanda.

And then he comes.

His body stills, and he feels this great release, this extreme relaxation take over his body. His limbs are all soft and mellow, and really, he doesn't think he can move anymore. At all.

But Kanda is still so very obviously hard underneath him.

So he gives himself a minute, and then jacks Kanda off. It's such a simple act, compared to what they were doing, but it's still hot. When Kanda comes, Allen smiles, and collapses beside him.

"We did it again."

"I realize that, Moyashi. How was I supposed to miss that?"

"You aren't as harsh as usual? Is someone relaxed?"

"Ugh, shut the fuck up, _please_."

"Look at that, you're even using nice words. This is a step up."

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up."

* * *

**So here's the prequel. Um, I don't even wanna talk about how long this sat on my computer collecting dust. I don't really know what I was waiting for, to be honest. I just...never uploaded it. Also, I apologize, as I always do when I finally update something, for how absent I've been the past year. I feel that eventually I'll be able to get back into the mode of writing more than breathing, so I'm just not-so-casually waiting. I've been working on a couple of different Yullen ideas though, so I may be able to get some more stuff out. Anyways, I digress. **


End file.
